Ron Lee, Landlord
so i got a call from ron lee yesterday. (yes, i haven't lived at 1315 for 3 and 1/2 months and i still get calls from ron.) so i let it roll straight to voicemail and it turns out i have a letter from the jury commission which is RAD because i've been dying to get jury duty.
i'm actually serious... i'm sure i'll end up bitching about it with the rest of america but i'd at least like to experience first hand what its all about. i mean... (a) i will get out of work, (b) its gotta be a tremendous people-watching experience and (c) i know i'll be rocking the deliberations room 12 Angry Men style... obvi.
anywho... so i call ron back to give him my new address for the millionth time and we end up chatting about selling the building, our old neighbors who are trying to "extort him for over three-thousand dollars", the "fire that almost killed everyone" (i.e. a burn mark on the hardwood floor), you know - the usual.
so our conversation was wrapping up and ron says "jen... i want to tell you something i've been thinking about for a long time."
(are you freaking out right about now? yeah, i was too.)
"ok ron, whats up?"
"years ago there was a picture of your mother on the fridge and i've always thought she looked like someone i know."
(quick memory scan of the past 6 years reveals that i'm 99% sure there was never a picture of my mom on the fridge... hmm... where is this going?!?)
"oh no way... thats crazy..."
he continues, "yes - my business partners girlfriend - Jerry Hall!"
you know... in retrospect i should have said "oh yeah, my mom gets that all the time!" and what i wanted to say was "ron, does your partner know his girlfriend is auditioning 12 people to be her kept man?"
but instead i did my best to hold it all in and said "wow... my mom doesn't have long blonde hair so i'll have to really think hard about who that could have been on the fridge - what a small world!"
we wrapped it up and he promised me he'd keep in touch... so until next time... thats the latest installment from Ron Lee, my ex-Landlord.
i'm actually serious... i'm sure i'll end up bitching about it with the rest of america but i'd at least like to experience first hand what its all about. i mean... (a) i will get out of work, (b) its gotta be a tremendous people-watching experience and (c) i know i'll be rocking the deliberations room 12 Angry Men style... obvi.
anywho... so i call ron back to give him my new address for the millionth time and we end up chatting about selling the building, our old neighbors who are trying to "extort him for over three-thousand dollars", the "fire that almost killed everyone" (i.e. a burn mark on the hardwood floor), you know - the usual.
so our conversation was wrapping up and ron says "jen... i want to tell you something i've been thinking about for a long time."
(are you freaking out right about now? yeah, i was too.)
"ok ron, whats up?"
"years ago there was a picture of your mother on the fridge and i've always thought she looked like someone i know."
(quick memory scan of the past 6 years reveals that i'm 99% sure there was never a picture of my mom on the fridge... hmm... where is this going?!?)
"oh no way... thats crazy..."
he continues, "yes - my business partners girlfriend - Jerry Hall!"
you know... in retrospect i should have said "oh yeah, my mom gets that all the time!" and what i wanted to say was "ron, does your partner know his girlfriend is auditioning 12 people to be her kept man?"
but instead i did my best to hold it all in and said "wow... my mom doesn't have long blonde hair so i'll have to really think hard about who that could have been on the fridge - what a small world!"
we wrapped it up and he promised me he'd keep in touch... so until next time... thats the latest installment from Ron Lee, my ex-Landlord.
posted by Jen at
8:53 AM
2 Comments:
ok but, who did the picture on the fridge end up being of?
When you first told me the story, I thought ron's "business partner's" girlfriend LOOKED like J.H. Now I'm realizing that his girlfriend IS J.H.? What?!?!? Can that be true?!?!?
I think Ron Lee runs a meth lab out of his house. He's high all the time...
Cara
Cara
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